Monday, April 19, 2010

Trying to find comfort

What a difference a year makes. Last year, friends joined BR and me in cheering in the MS150 riders. This year, we had to cross the line of riders to bring BR to Christopher House.


As we start our third night of what the hospice nurses call his body "actively dying," I'm trying to find comfort in the outpouring of support from our friends. Comfort in having Dede and Beth and Jordan by our side. Comfort in the many glimpses of memories that flash across his iPad screen. But for some reason, all they do is make me cry. Not a very comfortable emotional state.

Comfort is found in the ordinary. This is anything but. So I've put the Hello, Dolly DVD into the laptop, and I'm singing along -- just like BR and I have done with friends so many times before.

35 comments:

Richie said...

My heart goes out to you. You are living through what I fear most, and one day I will face.
It is so quick for you. It is so unfair. Memories are all we have in the end. I am sure his light will never die in the hearts of those lucky enough to know BR.
Lots of love
Richie

Stephany said...

May you find joy in those memories and peace in your heart.

Anonymous said...

I remember watching "Hello Dolly" with BR in the days before DVD's. He fast forwarded through the tape to get to the parts he liked. :)
Terri

Anonymous said...

May your memories bring you moments of comfort and peace. My heart aches for all you and BR are going through. What an amazing spirit we have all been blessed with to have BR in our lives. Praying for you Steve and the ache and pain your heart is suffering.

All our love,
Meredith and Andrew

Legoland said...

I'm crying with you. Please give BR a kiss from me.

Anonymous said...

Sending you the FIERCEST hug allowed. And all the love that comes with it.

Sharon

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking about all of you and am so sorry! Hard to believe Bob was just here and having fun with everybody!
Sister Yarbrough
Belcher friend!

mortonlake said...

oh hell.i havent been reading blogs so i didnt know.im so sorry.all i can say.mort

Herrad said...

Hi Steve,
Thinking about you and BobRobert.
Heartbroken that he is going so soon.
Was hoping to win the lottery and visit you both in Texas.
Hope you have plenty of love and support around you.
A huge hug.
Love,
Herrad

Cranky said...

Steve - so very sad for both of you. I am glad you have people with you to share this with, it would be too much to bear alone.

Anonymous said...

Just caught up on your blog. I am so sorry to hear. You guys are in our thoughts.

Scott and Kara

Bodhisattva_Scott said...

Words fail me as I try to make sense of all this. I am so very saddened to hear of BR declining condition. All I have are the memories that we shared when we were fortunate enough to re-connect in SF. It was very short-lived but it seems like a lifetime when I think back on the good times and also when I think of BR big beautiful smile that has landed a lasting impression in my life. I will continue to send good thoughts and prayers your way. Much Love, Scott

Anonymous said...

My heart aches and the tears just want stop. I will always remember the good times with Bobrobert. We had a hillarious time with students, parents and employees. I never forget laughs, bad words, and tantrum attacks(that was fun). Steve he always told me how wonderful you are too him and how much he loves you. Just remember all the times you shared, his smile, sense of humor(even when he was been a butt), but most of all the joy you all brought to each other and I promise you will feel the ease of pain. I love you both and he will always be my butterfly.
Love,
Andrea

Anonymous said...

Steve, there's one more song BR really liked...Barbra's version of "Somewhere"...he might like that right now.

Susanne

Muffie said...

So very, very sad. I'm so sorry for you. Many prayers for you both!
Peace,
Muff

Kris said...

Hello from NYC. The lovely Herrad directed me to your blog. Thinking of you both today!

Anne said...

Hello Steve:

My heart goes out to you in this trying time. I think there is comfort in knowing that you were both everything to one another and that your life has been changed forever just for knowing BobRobert.

I am thankful that you have this end time to say goodbye and that you have loved ones around you.

Love,
Anne

kmilyun said...

Good to know your friends have gathered with you.

Yesterday KRP and I did the MS walk and with heavy heart I used a big black felt tip marker and we filled in the I walk for: section with BobRobert - your sharing has touched me and although I never had the pleasure of meeting either of you it just felt right.

You both are in our prayers

Kim said...

There are so many of us who would comfort you if we could. Lots of love,
Kim

Charisa said...

I hope you can find comfort in your great memories. Saying some prayers for you and BR.

awb said...

Steve, so very sorry to hear about BobRobert, wish words were enough to make it better for you both. You both are in our hearts and prayers.

Andy

gina said...

Steve BobRobert

i am with you forever

all my love and heart and soul
gina

Travelogue for the Universe said...

I feel like I know you through Herrad's posts. I wish you both the peace that the freedom from pain can bring. It is sad and wondrous, and beautiful you have had love so deep. Lean on your friends so dear. Peace and Love,Mary

Rose Marie Raccioppi said...

A blog friend, Herrad, stopped by. He knew that my prayers would indeed be heartfelt and so they are for each breath, each ebb and flow, to bring a fullness of comfort, to bring the knowing of love from all. Know that a stranger reaches out and cares.

Blessings,
Rose Marie

Dan Digmann said...

Please find comfort and strength knowing you are in the thoughts and prayers of so many.

Blinders Off said...

I wish I knew just what to say to make things better. Sometimes words just aren't enough. Life can e so hard sometimes...May you be comforted by the many warm thoughts of those who care.

Blinders

Jen said...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Peace Be With You said...

I have not read your blog before, but am struck by how many have encouraged others to stop and show their support to you in a challenging time. You must be two very special persons to generate such an outpouring of love. May you both bathe in the love being offered you.
Judy

Steph said...

Sending love and prayers your way,
Steph

Ellie Great said...

I'm so sorry for you. Many prayers for you both!

pb said...

So sorry you are both going through this. Thank heavens you are there for him.

Blessings on you both.

Tessa said...

Herrad told me about you both and I'm here to say that my heart goes out to you and your beloved BR. I send my love across that sky we all share no matter how far away we may be from one another. xx

~Erin~ said...

Keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. This is so unfair. I am so sorry.
Erin

Ana said...

i'm trying to figure out what to say....
I don't know...
Hope you find strength.
Love,
Ana

Ana said...
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