Thursday, April 22, 2010

The business of dying

Sorry I'm not much for words right now.

Tuesday, BR had a bit of a rally, charming his guests during his moments of clarity.

Wednesday has seen him sink deeper into the illness. I can count the number of true interactions with him on one hand, and they were no more than a single back and forth. His heart rate is hovering around an unsustainable 120 bpm.

I made a list of the number of accounts and possessions that are in BR's name -- there are only 4. I deposited his stock certificate into his brokerage account, and hope I can liquidate it soon. Then I will be able to close it, his bank account, and his credit card. His mother will be given the meager proceeds, as we had planned.

I also spoke with the hospice social worker, who put me in touch with a nearby funeral home that will handle the cremation. After discussion with his mother and aunt, we have decided to buy a magnolia tree, and plant it on their property in Louisiana, using his ashes as fertilizer. That way he will always be close to his family, and his story can be passed down to future generations.

His aunt also generously offered to host a memorial party at her home in Belcher, and I have accepted. I want to make it one they will talk about for decades to come. Tastefully, of course. :-)

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have family, friends, and beautiful memories to wrap yourself into right now, Steve. Let that and God's love carry you.

Susanne

Herrad said...

Hi Steve,
Thinking ot you both all the time.
Sending you lots of love,
Herrad

Cranky said...

Steve - I appreciate your keeping us updated even though it must take a lot out of you. Your plans sound wonderful.

Love, Cranky

Herrad said...

Hi Steve and Hi BobRobert,
Came by again to say hello thinking and talking about you both with Richie.
Though we are so far apart and have never met there are plenty of memories from your blog.
BR decorated with the Christmas lights, showing us how award the kerbs were, going round the bars in New Orleans, watching the bike rally, your street party, giving instructions how to make meat loaf and listening to a thunderstorm.
Above all hearing BR laugh.
Thanks for those memories which will always be with me.
Big hugs.
And masses of love,
Herrad

Stephany said...

Sending strength and joy of memory your way, and the celebration of his life at the memorial will surely be filled with love and memories from people who loved him and who he loved.

Peace

Bodhisattva_Scott said...

Steve,
I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. I hope you are able to find peace during this difficult time. You are always welcome here in SOCAL if you find you need to get away. I am sending good thoughts and lots of hugs your way. Will also light a candle for BR.

Love, Scott

-love the idea of the Magnolia tree.

Paula said...

Steve, I thank you for allowing me - a lost 4th or 5th cousin (we couldn't figure it out) - to join your BobRobert celebration yesterday afternoon. I'm honored to have the opportunity to be with Diana and Beth, to see the joy that y'all have experienced and I am sad to know that I so narrowly missed rekindling a relationship with Bob. My love and prayers to you all.

Anonymous said...

Steve and Bob,

James and I have been praying for both of you and your families. John did a wonderful sermon Sunday with pictures of John at age 20 and Bob at age 17. As John pointed out in the sermon, Bob was always the best looking one. John let everyone know what a wonderful person Bob is and how he dearly loved him. Our whole church is praying for both of yall.

Love and Blessings,

James & Randy Arnold

Lisa Emrich said...

Thank you so much for keeping us updated. You are certainly special for having shared so much of both of your lives with all of us in the blogosphere. I'm so glad to know you this way.

Memorial services can be wonderful celebrations and I imagine that after 20 years, you have much to remember and celebrate regarding life with BR. And then when you add all of the friends and family, oh boy, I hope you guys have a wonderful event.

Much love,
Lisa

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Dear Steve and BR - I came to your blog through Herrad's site. I am thinking of you both, in my heart, sending well wishes and as many good vibes as I can muster. I know its not a lot - but the two of you are in my thoughts.

zoomdoggies said...

It is a wonderful thing that BobRobert is surrounded by loving friends and family at the end of his life. He's a lucky man.

Muffie said...

Continuing to pray for both of you during this difficult time. Thank you for keeping us informed.
Peace,
Muff

Bob Duff said...

Thanks for continually posting; I can't imagine how stressful this is for you. Lots of love is with you, take comfort in that. Thanks for mentioning me in the blog :)

Anonymous said...

Steve,
I'm so filled with sadness at the thought of a world without BobRobert. But what wonderful memories we are left with, of a man who has truly been one of a kind. I'll miss the way he never missed calling me on my birthday, and the way he roared with laughter the first time I told him about making meatloaf in the microwave oven. My love and prayers are with you.
Allyson Dunagan

gina said...

you both know i would rather be there.......jazz fest has turned into a light of ..ok i can do it cuz it's my job.

i feel as tho i am w/ you both right now; it's ok but it sucks to the max.

Vicki said...

This is a lovely post.

A magnolia tree is so appropriate as a memorial as well as a last retiring place. He appreciates you, you know, and I know you do.

How good of you to update us on BR. Our thoughts are with you, too.

Peace, Vicki