Bobrobert's Memorial Service

When I woke up the day after BR's death, I put iTunes on shuffle and hit play, figuring that if I didn't like the song, I could always skip it. The first song it played was Barry Manilow's One Voice. BR often told me how much he loved this song. I tried to sing along, but kept falling apart with tears. I promised myself I would find a way to work it into the memorial service.

A few days later, I decided on two additional pre-recorded songs. The first was Sandi Patty singing Upon This Rock. One of BR's secret guilty pleasures was inspirational religious music, and Sandi Patty was one of his favorite artists.

If in a simple carpenter
You see the Son of God
If you would choose to lose
When you could win
If you would give your life away
For nothing in return
Then you are where
My kingdom will begin.

The second song was To Me, a duet by Lee Greenwood and Barbara Mandrell. I know, not the Barbra most of you were expecting. BR's friend Fran Kinman introduced him to this song long before I met him. While we were dating, it became clear that this was the kind of love he was looking for, and wasn't going to settle for less.

To me
You are the hand that I reach for
When I've lost my way

To me
You are the first star of evening
The sun that warms my day

Just as sure as
I'm sure there's a Heaven
This was meant to be

No road is too long
As long as you belong to me

To me
You are the truth I've been living
Girl, I believe in you

To me
You are the love I have looked for
My whole life through

Just as sure as
I'm sure there's a Heaven
This was meant to be

No road is too long
As long as you belong to me

Just as sure as
I'm sure there's a Heaven
This was meant to be

No road is too long
As long as you belong to me

Reverend Emile was lined up to do the service and scripture readings, and Gail and Mary Katherine to play the prelude and postlude organ and piano. And as the day of the service neared, I realized that I needed to deliver BR's eulogy myself. But no matter how hard I tried, the things I wrote just didn't do justice to the life we shared together. I decided to focus on how he was always able to build and maintain a circle of friends no matter where he was, and on how much he loved those friends. With my sister Cindy by my side for support, I spoke of the dinner parties on Martel Avenue, the ex-boyfriends, and the neighbors -- many of whom were present in the Gilliam United Methodist Church that Saturday.

If I had to pick a message to highlight from Bobrobert's life, it would be to hold the ones you love close and tight, and to never stop looking for people to love.

The service closed with One Voice. I sang the first verse solo.

Just one voice, singing in the darkness
All it takes is one voice
Singing so they hear what's on your mind
And when you look around you'll find

My family joined me for the second verse and bridge.

There's more than one voice
Singing in the darkness
Joining with your one voice
Each and every note another octave
Hands are joined and fears unlocked

If only one voice would start it on its own
We need just one voice, facing the unknown
And then that one voice would never be alone
It takes that one voice

Then we moved out into the congregation, hugging anyone who would have it. Standing in the aisles, we finished the song.

It takes that one voice
Just one voice, singing in the darkness
All it takes is one voice
Shout it out and let it ring
Just one voice, it takes that one voice
And everyone will sing

BR's brother preaches about love

In this sermon, BR's older brother John talks about how important love is, and how he wishes he had been able to more fully open up his life and his heart to his brother.

John - Bobrobert was so incredibly proud of you and all you have accomplished. And although he sometimes said you were being "made for TV," he never once doubted that you loved him with all of your heart.

Sanctuary | Apr 18 | 11:00 from White's Chapel UMC on Vimeo.

Christmas Eve Postcards

	BR in the Sanctuary
	John, Dede/Mama, Bobrobert
	BR in borrowed bling

17 years and counting

We had been dating for two years, and living together for one. We got engaged in the parking lot of the San Jose, California airport. While riding out Hurricane Andrew on Key West, we decided to set the date -- 10/10/1992. While looking through a AAA magazine, we read an article about Skyline Drive through the Shenandoah National Park. It mentioned a small waterfall right off the road, and we chose it as the location for our wedding.



We set out from Dallas, Texas on the 8th, driving to Memphis, Tennessee on the first day. On the second day, we made it to Roanoke, Virginia. We set off on the morning of the 10th, located the falls, and started to climb. When we reached the top, we exchanged vows and rings between ourselves and our God.




Goodness, we were young!

How many invocations does a new president need?

Yesterday, the Presidential Inauguration Committee announced Initial Talent Line-up Confirmed for Lincoln Memorial Event:

Musical performers scheduled for the event include Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Bono, Garth Brooks, Sheryl Crow, Renee Fleming, Josh Groban, Herbie Hancock, Heather Headley, John Legend, Jennifer Nettles, John Mellencamp, Usher Raymond IV, Shakira, Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, will.i.am, and Stevie Wonder. Among those reading historical passages will be Jamie Foxx, Martin Luther King III, Queen Latifah and Denzel Washington. The Rt. Reverend V. Gene Robinson will give the invocation. Rob Mathes will be the music director and arranger for the backing band, which will support all of the artists. Additional performers will be announced as they are confirmed.

While I was reading this paragraph, I started humming that song from Sesame Street.

One of these things is not like the others.
One of these doesn't belong.
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
now before I finish my song?

Despite the obvious misclassification of the opening invocation prayer as entertainment, I couldn't be happier that Reverend Robinson will be there to deliver it. As the first gay man to be elected bishop in the Episcopal Church, Reverend Robinson is viewed by many as a divisive force, even causing some congregations to splinter away from the church. Unfortunate as that is, I'm reminded of one of my early software development mentors who taught me that "you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet." Reverend Robinson puts it this way in his book, In the Eye of the Storm: Swept to the Center by God:

Everything we do in our congregations, our workplaces, and our families -- all of it has a ripple effect. And the actions we take in the Episcopal Church have ramifications around the world for our brothers and sisters in Christ. Sometimes, we are told, those ramifications are negative and divisive. But sometimes, especially to the ears of the discounted, despised and marginalized, those ramifications are breathtakingly holy, bringing life and hope to those whom Christ came to serve."

I'm a Christian who doesn't believe that homosexuality is an enormous sin, an abomination, or anything other than God challenging me to find purpose in a world that would rather I didn't exist. The church in which I was raised stressed the importance of family, of the sacraments, and of love. When I came out, I was told that my love wasn't the right kind of love, I would never receive the sacrament of marriage, and any family I built would be inferior. I hadn't received communion at a Christian church since.

Many members of BR's family attend the Gilliam Methodist Church in Gilliam, Louisiana. When BR was diagnosed with MS in 2007, the church did what churches do best -- they came together to support the family. But not only that, they reached out to San Francisco to support BR and me. The regular cards, letters, and e-mails of encouragement from the pastor, choir, and individual church members really helped us as we adjusted to all the change. So when BR and I attended Christmas Eve services with the family in Gilliam, I felt perfectly at ease receiving communion.

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WE ARE ONE: THE OBAMA INAUGURAL CELEBRATION AT THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL, the Opening Celebration for the 56th Presidential Inaugural, will be presented exclusively by HBO on Sunday, January 18 (7:00-9:00 p.m. ET/PT). HBO will televise the event on an open signal, working with all of its distributors to allow Americans across the country with access to cable, telcos or satellite television to join in the Opening Celebration for free.