Regaining focus

Spring has arrived here in Austin. Highs will be in the 70s all week. BR and I even slept with the windows open last night. Very refreshing.

Spring also means the end of the cedar allergy season. For me, cedar allergies are not only a runny nose and blocked sinuses and persistent cough, but also a lethargy that I find difficult to overcome. Pseudophed is just about the only thing that gets me through. Thank goodness I won't have to deal with that again until November.

I got a letter from my employer about a week ago. They are switching insurance carriers. Anthem Blue Cross has made headlines lately for outrageous rate hikes, prompting my employer to take their business to Aetna. I'm going to take this change as a sign that it is time to move BR to Medicare and a supplement plan. The main thing holding me back before was inertia, and this was just the push I needed.

BR and I have been struggling with a lot of negativity lately. The word "no" seems to flow out of his mouth very easily, expressing a contrary opinion over even the silliest of things. When I have the strength, I can laugh and let it slide. When I don't, it leads to some pretty heated arguments. I even find myself taking advantage of his sedation, allowing him to sleep longer than I know he would like in order to put off having to deal with the inevitable stream of criticism. This isn't one of my prouder admissions, and I'm taking it as a clear sign that it is time for both of us to seek some counseling.

I'm also taking it as a sign that it is time to stop working from home so much. My employer just moved into new offices on the edge of town with magnificent views of the Texas hill country. My hope is that the daily trip into the office will create some perspective on life that is impossible to maintain when I only leave the house to make groceries. I'm thinking of it like mini trips to California.

Hurry up and wait

Happy All Saints Day, y'all.

BR and I were expecting to be on our way back to Houston at this time. We were e-mailing (!) with the doctor last week, and he said he was available for the Prialt trial either the week of November 2nd, or the week of December 7th. Not wanting to wait whole month, we pushed for next week, and everything was looking good until noon on Friday, when the business office called and said they hadn't received insurance approval yet.

I called and left a message for our case manager at Blue Cross, and she called back to let us know that BR needed to have a psych evaluation before the trial could be authorized. Luckily, he had already done one for the Which doctor -- we just needed to get the paperwork to the right people. I left a couple messages with the Which doctor's office, and when I hadn't received a response by 4pm, I drove 30 minutes and sat in the waiting room until I could get confirmation that they had faxed the report over to M.D. Anderson. But I knew that we were already too late. There just wasn't enough time for the report to be reviewed by Blue Cross before the M.D. Anderson business office closed for the weekend.

It really is a shame. BR's pain is worse than ever. He has agreed to let me keep him pretty doped up so he can tolerate it. He's sleeping a lot and needs supervision when he's awake.

The countdown has started until December 7th.

To Medicare, or not to Medicare

The forms have arrived. After a two year waiting period, BR is finally eligible for Medicare. But how do I decide which is the best course?

• Ignore Medicare, and continue with BR on my insurance through work? Blue Cross has been very good to us, but I'm paying a lot for BR's coverage, and what the company pays is not tax-free like it would be for a married couple.


• Drop Blue Cross and put BR entirely on Medicare? It might save some money in the short term, but what about the long term? It would also be less complicated should something happen to me.


• Do some combination of primary/secondary insurance?

I am so ill prepared to make this decision, and don't even know where to begin with the investigation. I know, I know. I've had two years to think about it. I should be ready.