Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, May 14, 2010
Amsterdam Postcards
Wisconsin and Illinois Postcards
Rain and construction made for extended hours on the road
Breakfast with KimmieG and Mike
In front of their Christmas Tree home
Shut your ...
BBQ and commentary
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Riding the grief roller coaster
It started out with tears of joy. BR and I finally found a way to take away his pain that worked.
The week that followed was full of family and friends. Laughter through tears. I told Jordan she was welcome to stay, and we would work out the details later. She's now putting down roots, buying a scooter and looking for a job nearby. I'm glad for the continued company, but I worry that I'm being a big downer. There are times in the afternoon when I need to go to my room, close the door, and pretend to sleep. Sleep actually found me today, and I'm grateful for that.
Then there are times when I become exceptionally productive. Bought a new battery for the minivan and had the electrical system repaired. Had both mine and my neighbor's sprinkler system repaired. (I mowed over one of her tree bubblers.) Started an inventory of the leftover medical supplies. Looks like I'll have to donate them to a charity that sends them overseas due to US and Texas law.
And then I'll go to make dinner. "What do you... hmm. What do I want?" I have to admit, there is more cheese in the fridge than ever before.
The feelings I have right now are similar to those I had when I spent my junior year in college studying abroad in Paris. I was alone, with limited contact to my familiar support system. The difference is that now, BR is gone. Back then, I still had one more year of school back home. It hurt like hell, but I became a better person for it.
Even disabled, BR was the glue that held so many parts of my life together. Now that he's gone, I feel like I have to do it all myself. But I can't. That's the whole point of marriage -- two people coming together through love to do more than either one could do on their own. So right now, I'm focusing on the immediate. The bills are on autopilot. The people I see get first shot at a smile. Everything else may have to wait.
In this big-ass world, though, there are people important to me who were unable to attend the memorial service. So I've booked some travel to see them. First up is KimmieG and her husband Mike in Wisconsin. She was my one and only girlfriend in high school, and no matter how far apart we are, we will always be connected. Then I'll head to Chicago to see Joy. I met Joy while participating in the first Texas AIDS Ride -- a 7 day bicycle ride from Austin through Houston to Dallas. A similar bond formed. Next, I'll spend Mother's Day and the day after with my parents in Belvidere, Illinois. From all accounts, Mama is doing really well since being discharged from the nursing home.
From there, I'll be hopping a flight to Boston with a connection to Paris, followed by a train to Amsterdam. After some sleep, I'll be meeting Herrad and Richie for the first time in the flesh, and letting them know what their online friendship has meant to both BR and me. They are the only other couple we'd discovered who have lived through the same rapid progression of MS. Just knowing that we were not alone made all the difference during the difficult times.
Upon returning to Paris, I plan to sit by the Seine in the early morning, reading a book and conversing casually with passers by.
The week that followed was full of family and friends. Laughter through tears. I told Jordan she was welcome to stay, and we would work out the details later. She's now putting down roots, buying a scooter and looking for a job nearby. I'm glad for the continued company, but I worry that I'm being a big downer. There are times in the afternoon when I need to go to my room, close the door, and pretend to sleep. Sleep actually found me today, and I'm grateful for that.
Then there are times when I become exceptionally productive. Bought a new battery for the minivan and had the electrical system repaired. Had both mine and my neighbor's sprinkler system repaired. (I mowed over one of her tree bubblers.) Started an inventory of the leftover medical supplies. Looks like I'll have to donate them to a charity that sends them overseas due to US and Texas law.
And then I'll go to make dinner. "What do you... hmm. What do I want?" I have to admit, there is more cheese in the fridge than ever before.
The feelings I have right now are similar to those I had when I spent my junior year in college studying abroad in Paris. I was alone, with limited contact to my familiar support system. The difference is that now, BR is gone. Back then, I still had one more year of school back home. It hurt like hell, but I became a better person for it.
Even disabled, BR was the glue that held so many parts of my life together. Now that he's gone, I feel like I have to do it all myself. But I can't. That's the whole point of marriage -- two people coming together through love to do more than either one could do on their own. So right now, I'm focusing on the immediate. The bills are on autopilot. The people I see get first shot at a smile. Everything else may have to wait.
In this big-ass world, though, there are people important to me who were unable to attend the memorial service. So I've booked some travel to see them. First up is KimmieG and her husband Mike in Wisconsin. She was my one and only girlfriend in high school, and no matter how far apart we are, we will always be connected. Then I'll head to Chicago to see Joy. I met Joy while participating in the first Texas AIDS Ride -- a 7 day bicycle ride from Austin through Houston to Dallas. A similar bond formed. Next, I'll spend Mother's Day and the day after with my parents in Belvidere, Illinois. From all accounts, Mama is doing really well since being discharged from the nursing home.
From there, I'll be hopping a flight to Boston with a connection to Paris, followed by a train to Amsterdam. After some sleep, I'll be meeting Herrad and Richie for the first time in the flesh, and letting them know what their online friendship has meant to both BR and me. They are the only other couple we'd discovered who have lived through the same rapid progression of MS. Just knowing that we were not alone made all the difference during the difficult times.
Upon returning to Paris, I plan to sit by the Seine in the early morning, reading a book and conversing casually with passers by.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Bobrobert's Memorial Service
When I woke up the day after BR's death, I put iTunes on shuffle and hit play, figuring that if I didn't like the song, I could always skip it. The first song it played was Barry Manilow's One Voice. BR often told me how much he loved this song. I tried to sing along, but kept falling apart with tears. I promised myself I would find a way to work it into the memorial service.
A few days later, I decided on two additional pre-recorded songs. The first was Sandi Patty singing Upon This Rock. One of BR's secret guilty pleasures was inspirational religious music, and Sandi Patty was one of his favorite artists.
A few days later, I decided on two additional pre-recorded songs. The first was Sandi Patty singing Upon This Rock. One of BR's secret guilty pleasures was inspirational religious music, and Sandi Patty was one of his favorite artists.
If in a simple carpenterThe second song was To Me, a duet by Lee Greenwood and Barbara Mandrell. I know, not the Barbra most of you were expecting. BR's friend Fran Kinman introduced him to this song long before I met him. While we were dating, it became clear that this was the kind of love he was looking for, and wasn't going to settle for less.
You see the Son of God
If you would choose to lose
When you could win
If you would give your life away
For nothing in return
Then you are where
My kingdom will begin.
To meReverend Emile was lined up to do the service and scripture readings, and Gail and Mary Katherine to play the prelude and postlude organ and piano. And as the day of the service neared, I realized that I needed to deliver BR's eulogy myself. But no matter how hard I tried, the things I wrote just didn't do justice to the life we shared together. I decided to focus on how he was always able to build and maintain a circle of friends no matter where he was, and on how much he loved those friends. With my sister Cindy by my side for support, I spoke of the dinner parties on Martel Avenue, the ex-boyfriends, and the neighbors -- many of whom were present in the Gilliam United Methodist Church that Saturday.
You are the hand that I reach for
When I've lost my way
To me
You are the first star of evening
The sun that warms my day
Just as sure as
I'm sure there's a Heaven
This was meant to be
No road is too long
As long as you belong to me
To me
You are the truth I've been living
Girl, I believe in you
To me
You are the love I have looked for
My whole life through
Just as sure as
I'm sure there's a Heaven
This was meant to be
No road is too long
As long as you belong to me
Just as sure as
I'm sure there's a Heaven
This was meant to be
No road is too long
As long as you belong to me
If I had to pick a message to highlight from Bobrobert's life, it would be to hold the ones you love close and tight, and to never stop looking for people to love.The service closed with One Voice. I sang the first verse solo.
Just one voice, singing in the darknessMy family joined me for the second verse and bridge.
All it takes is one voice
Singing so they hear what's on your mind
And when you look around you'll find
There's more than one voiceThen we moved out into the congregation, hugging anyone who would have it. Standing in the aisles, we finished the song.
Singing in the darkness
Joining with your one voice
Each and every note another octave
Hands are joined and fears unlocked
If only one voice would start it on its own
We need just one voice, facing the unknown
And then that one voice would never be alone
It takes that one voice
It takes that one voice
Just one voice, singing in the darkness
All it takes is one voice
Shout it out and let it ring
Just one voice, it takes that one voice
And everyone will sing
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Celebrating Bobrobert
I'll be writing more about the wonderful memorial service and celebration when I return to Austin. But this was just too good not to share right away.
Hazel Vickery was BR's fifth grade social studies teacher. Back then, she taught BR how to dance the Charleston. At the memorial celebration, she entertained the crowd with a couple numbers at the piano. Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
Hazel Vickery was BR's fifth grade social studies teacher. Back then, she taught BR how to dance the Charleston. At the memorial celebration, she entertained the crowd with a couple numbers at the piano. Guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
The next phase
BR just got a beautiful batik scarf from Gina in some of the new colors she is using. Makes a lovely IV pole drape!
I didn't get much sleep last night. BR was very restless, but it was a different kind of restless. I could tell he wasn't in pain. The doctor told us this morning that she is pretty sure he is experiencing "terminal delirium" during which he gets restless, has conversations with people who aren't there, and can even try to get out of bed. So we have moved on from treating his pain, to treating the physiological issues that cause the dying brain to be restless. He will continue to receive his pain medications, but they won't be adjusted going forward.
I asked the doctor if we should be encouraging him to "let go and pass on." She said that at this point, he is probably hearing what we are saying, recognizing the voices, but not necessarily catching the intended meaning. She recommended that we tell him we wish he wasn't going, but it is OK that he does. She also recommended giving specifics about how we are going to continue on once he is gone. Not just that I will continue my relationship and care for his mother, but that I will call her regularly and still celebrate holidays with her. Basically, we should put ourselves in his helpless position and imagine the things we would want to hear.
He has received a lot of voice messages from friends that I play for him each evening. With each voice that he hears, he seems to recognize the person speaking and to enjoy what they say. I feel the same way about the comments left here. Thank you!
I didn't get much sleep last night. BR was very restless, but it was a different kind of restless. I could tell he wasn't in pain. The doctor told us this morning that she is pretty sure he is experiencing "terminal delirium" during which he gets restless, has conversations with people who aren't there, and can even try to get out of bed. So we have moved on from treating his pain, to treating the physiological issues that cause the dying brain to be restless. He will continue to receive his pain medications, but they won't be adjusted going forward.
I asked the doctor if we should be encouraging him to "let go and pass on." She said that at this point, he is probably hearing what we are saying, recognizing the voices, but not necessarily catching the intended meaning. She recommended that we tell him we wish he wasn't going, but it is OK that he does. She also recommended giving specifics about how we are going to continue on once he is gone. Not just that I will continue my relationship and care for his mother, but that I will call her regularly and still celebrate holidays with her. Basically, we should put ourselves in his helpless position and imagine the things we would want to hear.
He has received a lot of voice messages from friends that I play for him each evening. With each voice that he hears, he seems to recognize the person speaking and to enjoy what they say. I feel the same way about the comments left here. Thank you!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Calmer nights, busier days
"Turn that off. I don't think I can handle this and Barbra Streisand." BR's mother, Dede had arrived with tears in her eyes, followed by her sister, Beth.
BR has slept peacefully now for two nights in a row. At the first sign of restlessness, I have been calling the nurse for breakthrough pain medication, but I've only had to call once at night. I'm very happy with the progress keeping his pain down.
We are now in full visitor mode here at Christopher House. In addition to Dede and Beth, our neighbors Cindy, Damaris, and Suzy have made and delivered dinners. BR's brother John, niece Chandler, and John's associate pastor Todd drove down from Keller for the day. Scot, Cathy, and Sharon are here from Dallas. Chad and David have flown in from Colorado, and Jay from Miami. Their presence is a great comfort. There's nothing like laughing with family and friends to take the edge off.
BR was awake, but not totally alert for most of the day yesterday. Most of what he says is unintelligible, and we treasure the moments when he is able to clearly express his feelings. For example, when I told him Jay was coming, he let out a long "oooh, Lord!"
Yesterday morning, it looked as if BR was down to his last hours. His heart was racing. His blood pressure was very low. His hands, feet, knees and elbows were purple and splotchy. After a full day of company, his vitals stabilized. I'm guessing that he refuses to be left out of a good party.
The doctors added IV Ketamine to BR's pain med cocktail. Yes, Bob Duff -- BR is now mainlining Special K. And it seems to be working. There was no restlessness at all last night, and he woke up this morning asking for "happy coffee." Nevermind that he doesn't drink coffee. I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up, and instead I am just living in the present and letting the future take care of itself.
I need to wrap this up, but not before thanking Herrad, Richie, Anne, Stephany, and Patrick, for rallying the MS blogging world to our support. It's a strange and marvelous community, and I'm glad to be a part of it.
And finally, I've set up an online gallery for people to share their favorite photos of BR. If you have some to share, just go to http://gallery.me.com/bobrobertmckellar/100173, and click the "Upload" button in the toolbar.
BR has slept peacefully now for two nights in a row. At the first sign of restlessness, I have been calling the nurse for breakthrough pain medication, but I've only had to call once at night. I'm very happy with the progress keeping his pain down.
We are now in full visitor mode here at Christopher House. In addition to Dede and Beth, our neighbors Cindy, Damaris, and Suzy have made and delivered dinners. BR's brother John, niece Chandler, and John's associate pastor Todd drove down from Keller for the day. Scot, Cathy, and Sharon are here from Dallas. Chad and David have flown in from Colorado, and Jay from Miami. Their presence is a great comfort. There's nothing like laughing with family and friends to take the edge off.
BR was awake, but not totally alert for most of the day yesterday. Most of what he says is unintelligible, and we treasure the moments when he is able to clearly express his feelings. For example, when I told him Jay was coming, he let out a long "oooh, Lord!"
Yesterday morning, it looked as if BR was down to his last hours. His heart was racing. His blood pressure was very low. His hands, feet, knees and elbows were purple and splotchy. After a full day of company, his vitals stabilized. I'm guessing that he refuses to be left out of a good party.
The doctors added IV Ketamine to BR's pain med cocktail. Yes, Bob Duff -- BR is now mainlining Special K. And it seems to be working. There was no restlessness at all last night, and he woke up this morning asking for "happy coffee." Nevermind that he doesn't drink coffee. I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up, and instead I am just living in the present and letting the future take care of itself.
I need to wrap this up, but not before thanking Herrad, Richie, Anne, Stephany, and Patrick, for rallying the MS blogging world to our support. It's a strange and marvelous community, and I'm glad to be a part of it.
And finally, I've set up an online gallery for people to share their favorite photos of BR. If you have some to share, just go to http://gallery.me.com/bobrobertmckellar/100173, and click the "Upload" button in the toolbar.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
2010 Birthday Guilty Pleasure #10: Easter Chapeaux
Just like the Texas Bluebonnets, the Easter Chapeau party is a welcome sign that Spring has arrived.
2010 Birthday Guilty Pleasure #1: Mutha Chucka
We kick off this year's birthday celebration of guilty pleasures with my favorite drag queen that I know in real life, Mutha Chucka. Here she is performing Kate Miller-Heidke's Are You F@#ing Kidding Me? (Facebook Song).
More YouTube videos of Mutha Chucka here.
[EDIT 2016] OK. That video is gone. Here's a live performance from Kate herself.
More YouTube videos of Mutha Chucka here.
[EDIT 2016] OK. That video is gone. Here's a live performance from Kate herself.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
BR's iBOT takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
The iBOT repair man arrived on the 22nd to assess the damage to the iBOT after BR's fall down the front steps. I had noted that the headrest was bent, and that a cast aluminum panel that held the right leg rest in place had cracked, leaving the leg rest usable but unstable. After describing the incident to the repair man, he gave the chair a once-over. To his surprise, the two items I noted for repair were the only things he could find wrong as well. Whew! That thing is really built like a tank! He ordered the parts and returned the following Wednesday to make the repairs -- just in time for us to load up in the minivan and head to Louisiana for Nanny's memorial service.
BR with Sarah-Beth in Belcher.
Jordan and Steve on the couch.
It was great to spend the weekend with family. Jordan joined us for the road trip, and got to experience first hand the brand of love grown only in Belcher. Food and drink were plentiful, and I took time to perform some routine maintenance on BR's mother's and uncle's computers. Uncle Mickey's had gotten into a state where antivirus protection failed to start, and Windows patches failed to install. I found the solution in Microsoft's knowledge base, and after a few hours of downloads, ACL resets, and Service Pack installations, the computer rebooted without any errors and protected with antivirus.
When we returned to Austin, we were greeted by our friend Jeanne. She had flown in from Oakland to spend some of her spring break with us. We love Jeanne, and hadn't seen her since her 50th birthday celebration at Jazz Fest in New Orleans last year. She was a delight as usual, and we took advantage of the beautiful weather by spending Tuesday walking in the neighborhood park, and eating a Polynesian-Mexican meal at the Hula Hut on Lake Austin.
Jeanne and BR at the greenway waterfall
I return to work tomorrow, so I spent today planning our Easter Chapeau party on Sunday. I also made a run to the Home Depot to pick up a 6"x6"x8' post to protect BR from the front steps when he's on the porch. With the post in place, BR will be able to spend time unsupervised on the porch once again. Yippee!
Front steps before ...
... and with the post in place.
BR with Sarah-Beth in Belcher.
Jordan and Steve on the couch.
It was great to spend the weekend with family. Jordan joined us for the road trip, and got to experience first hand the brand of love grown only in Belcher. Food and drink were plentiful, and I took time to perform some routine maintenance on BR's mother's and uncle's computers. Uncle Mickey's had gotten into a state where antivirus protection failed to start, and Windows patches failed to install. I found the solution in Microsoft's knowledge base, and after a few hours of downloads, ACL resets, and Service Pack installations, the computer rebooted without any errors and protected with antivirus.
When we returned to Austin, we were greeted by our friend Jeanne. She had flown in from Oakland to spend some of her spring break with us. We love Jeanne, and hadn't seen her since her 50th birthday celebration at Jazz Fest in New Orleans last year. She was a delight as usual, and we took advantage of the beautiful weather by spending Tuesday walking in the neighborhood park, and eating a Polynesian-Mexican meal at the Hula Hut on Lake Austin.
Jeanne and BR at the greenway waterfall
I return to work tomorrow, so I spent today planning our Easter Chapeau party on Sunday. I also made a run to the Home Depot to pick up a 6"x6"x8' post to protect BR from the front steps when he's on the porch. With the post in place, BR will be able to spend time unsupervised on the porch once again. Yippee!
Front steps before ...
... and with the post in place.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
We are uncles yet again!
This time it's figurative. Another neighborhood couple just had their first baby, a beautiful little girl named Josephine. We've made up another batch of custom onesies to welcome her to the neighborhood.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Bonus round: New Orleans Postcards
Last minute change of plans
Landing at Louis Armstrong International Airport
Orpheus Parade
She won first prize
Running into old friends
Bead toss
Lunch with Karen
The party's over
Illinois Postcards
Landing at Chicago's Midway Airport
Visiting with Cindy. We've been friends since high school.
Meeting my niece, Hope
California Postcards
Oakland International Airport baggage claim
San Mateo Bridge, late afternoon
Lunch with co-workers, through cooking demonstration mirror
Fog rolling in off the San Francisco bay
Former neighbor Sabine and daughter Anouk
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Services at 11am
BR and I are in Dallas. Well, Richardson to be exact. We are busily making our way through the morning routine, which started at 7am, so that we can get checked out and be at the funeral home by 11am. It's been quite a week.
We got a call from our dear friend Cathy Monday evening. Through tears, she told us that her husband had passed away suddenly. Whatever fuss BR and I were having at the time was immediately set aside, and we started in on the grim duty of spreading the word to our circle of friends.
Tuesday morning came, and I knew we needed to get to Dallas, to Cathy, to help in any way we could. A day of schedule shuffling and planning later, and I was in a rented car on my way. BR would stay behind with Jordan, and I would fetch him on Friday for the services.
The week that followed was filled with love and laughter and tears and sorrow and memories. And beer. Lots of beer.
So as we pull it together to say our farewell to Todd, I am comforted to be witnessing a beautiful example of family and friends coming together to navigate the survivor's storm.
We got a call from our dear friend Cathy Monday evening. Through tears, she told us that her husband had passed away suddenly. Whatever fuss BR and I were having at the time was immediately set aside, and we started in on the grim duty of spreading the word to our circle of friends.
Tuesday morning came, and I knew we needed to get to Dallas, to Cathy, to help in any way we could. A day of schedule shuffling and planning later, and I was in a rented car on my way. BR would stay behind with Jordan, and I would fetch him on Friday for the services.
The week that followed was filled with love and laughter and tears and sorrow and memories. And beer. Lots of beer.
So as we pull it together to say our farewell to Todd, I am comforted to be witnessing a beautiful example of family and friends coming together to navigate the survivor's storm.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Christmas Postcards
| We've got our love to keep us warm. |  |
| Steak and baked potatoes for Christmas dinner. |  |
| No, BR. You can't keep her. |  |
| Adelaide in her snuggie, and I in my cap. |  |
| Old Saint Nick was very good to us this year. |  |
Sunday, November 15, 2009
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