Thursday, May 7, 2009
Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Pain Baked Beans Pain Pain Pain and Pain
BR's pain levels were off the chart today. He says he feels like his muscles are trying to pull away from the bone. It's been a day full of tears for him. Hugs provide emotional support, but make the pain worse.
I've been reading the Musings of a Cranky Caregiver blog for a while now, and I think Cranky and I were separated at birth. Come to think of it, I've never seen us in the same place at the same time before. Hmmm...
Anyway, she discusses the things about caregiving that make her cranky, and how she tries to de-crank those situations. Exhaustion is a big one for me. BR and I have always been night owls. In a way, the MS encourages this, as he will sleep until 11am no matter when he goes to bed. The hard part comes in deciding when to call it quits for the evening. If we're still up when I hit the wall, I can't just crawl into to bed -- I have about an hour's worth of work still ahead of me.
The first step in the night routine is getting him into bed. Then the jealousy sets in -- he's done, and I still have to work. So it's time to go back to a set bedtime: 10pm. We can still stay up and watch TV together in the bedroom.
But that wasn't an issue today. I got him into bed at 6:30pm, and with his permission, medicated him until he was able to sleep. Still, he was moaning and twitching with pain.
I was reading in the local paper that our state Senator Watson had authored and pushed through a bill to ban additional billboards along a stretch of scenic Texas highway. This is the same senator who told me he would keep BR's situation in mind if any legislation was brought to the senate floor to legalize medicinal marijuana. So his pen moves to keep his drive pretty, but not to relieve the pain of his constituents. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about his bass-ackward priorities.
We've started discussing end of life options. BR doesn't want to live with this much pain. Prayer. Lots of quiet prayer and looking for signs.