Friday, May 21, 2010

Goodnight, and Thank You!

It's times like this that having an engineer's mind is a terrible thing. Just when I think the post-mortem review of my caregiver performance has finished, I start all over again. The good. The bad. The difficult choices. It always ends with a big dose of humility. BR wasn't mine to save. My job wasn't to keep him alive. It was to give him the best life I could. And as much as I wish I could have done both, it wasn't meant to be.

So with that in mind, I'm saying goodbye to The Wheel of Fortuna. BR and I had an amazing life together. If what we shared here was of any use to you, well then the blog has served its purpose. I will be sticking around the MS blogging world to share in your joys and lend support when you are down. To those who have supported BR and me through this blog, you have my eternal gratitude.

23 comments:

Stephany said...

Be well, Steve. Off into the Universe you go, armed with angels as soldiers by your side.

Travelogue for the Universe said...

Thank you for sharing your life's struggles and sad to see this go, and happy for you for ending the blog on your terms. Best wishes. Mary Gerdt

Nancy said...

Thank you for sharing your life in this blog. Best of luck in whatever you do in this life. You deserve it.

Lisa Emrich said...

Steve, thank you!!

Patrick@Caregivingly Yours said...

Thank you both for sharing and leaving footsteps and chair tracks on the path.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

Anonymous said...

Take care of yourself, Steve. I wish for you a good life...and thank you for what you did for Bob. God bless you always.

Susanne

Have Myelin? said...

Take care of your grief Steve. Hugs from me and best wishes.

If you ever end up in Colorado, look me up. =)

Herrad said...

Hi Steve,
Sad to say goodbye but happy you are starting your new life, your new adventure.
Have fun.
Love,
Herrad

Anonymous said...

I will certainly miss the blog, as I miss Bob, but I know you did everything possible for him. I am sitting her crying , but that is ok. I love you all the numbers.Dede

Muffie said...

Steve,
I, as well, as many others, will miss your posts. Thank you for sharing with all of us. Know that BR is at peace, and I wish you peaceful days ahead. You have done so much good -- don't forget that as you move on.
Peace,
Muff

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing. Take care on this next journey.

steve said...

Stephany - You keep holding the pharmaceutical companies accountable.

Mary - Life and beauty surround us. We must take notice.

Nancy - Although chance plays a large role in everyone's life, I intend to play just as large of a role in my own.

Lisa - A trumpet fanfare, and I'm on my way.

Patrick - Even if ours are the only ones. God, I wish that were true.

Susanne - I've had a good life -- better than the universe probably intended. The rest is a bonus round, and I plan to go for the grand prize.

Sherry - It's going to hurt for a long time. BR lived and loved and laughed through the pain. I will follow his example. My pain will get better.

Herrad - You're coming along, darlin'.

Dede - I love you all the university.

Muffie - The best plan for the future is to have as many close friends in the present as you can. They will help you battle the unknown.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing the life you and Bob had. He was one of my very favorite people and I miss him so. We shared many great experiences at schools in DISD.
Would love to continue hearing from you as you find it convenient.
I mourn and hurt with you,and know that I think of you often.
Tommie

Webster said...

Steve, I only wish I had discovered you and BR sooner, but better late than never. You are right. It is time for you to grieve alone for awhile, then figure out what to do with the rest of your life. I wish you all the best. Be Well.

mortonlake said...

as you know steve i havent read that much,but i read enough to know what you have gone through.i am a carer as well as having MS.which is the hardest is difficult to say,but you were one of a kind my friend.thanks for sharing,and caring.mort

Cranky said...

Steve - I'll miss you and BR in the blogosphere but glad I've gotten to know you and made a friend. I look forward to your comments on my blog in the future.

I've been trying to imagine myself in your shoes and how unsettled I'd feel. Lots of options but the one best option is no longer available. As for your post-mortem analysis of your caregiving performance ... I'm sure I will do the same when the time comes. I know I will have regrets. However, I also know we do the best we can at the time.

Cindy said...

I hope the blog has been as healing for you as it has been inspiring for others reading it. Good luck on this next part of your journey, my friend. I hope our paths cross more often through it. Love, Cindy

Gareth said...

Just poping by to Send you Strength and Joy and a New begining for you. So wonderful that you visited Herrad and Richie, what lovley photos. Thanks for sharing @ caring
Kind Regards Gareth Wales

Richie said...

Thanks for sharing your story and thanks for the support you gave Herrad and I.
You may not have made a perfect care giver but you were an absolute star.
You never let BR feel unloved. MS is not a winning situation and we can only be ourselves. You dear Steve became an inspirational care giver and a dear friend. Lots of love goes with you into the next phase of your life. Thank you
Richie

Anonymous said...

God bless you Steve. I wish for your future everything that is good and wonderful in life. May you somehow find happiness in a future without Bobrobert. Sadly many people come and go during our lives, and most all to soon. Take peace in the knowledge that you and BobRobert shared a wonderful, exceptional love. Be good to yourself.
Allyson

Bailey Ryan said...

Dear Steve, I come to your blog via Herrad and Richie. I had hoped Fortuna was a Confederacy reference. There is so much Kismet here I won't go on as it will sound too crazy. I have MS and can only hope my Robert can hold up as well as you seem to have. I am shocked to start reading about you in an Amersterdam blog and find you next door. I am just a stone's throw away in Monterey, La. Formerly of Slidell and New Orleans. I am going to go back and get the White Castle stuffing recipe. You are a miracle in human form and a very gifted writer. I hope you continue to share yourself in this medium. I am sorry for your loss. MS sucks. Wish I had found you and Bobrobert sooner. L'Chaim from a MS Shiksa.

Juli

Jayesh said...

Best wishes Steve and take care.

Aniruddha said...

Steve. I've seen a smile on BR's face all thru the blog to the very end. And I suspect you put it there. God be with you.